Letter #40 from UPIII



Recieved 27th September 2018

JVA Köln, 12th September 2018

"The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." - Ernest Hemingway.

"Don't let people tell you the fight's not worth it because you won't get everything you want ... better is always worth fighting for." - Obama's Midterm Message in Urbana, Illionois (7. September 2018)

"... stand right on the edge, where the decisions had to be made. You made them so that others didn't have to, so that others could even pretend to themselves that there were no decisions to be made, no little secrets, that things just happened. You never said that you knew. And you didn't ask for anything in return." - Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett (page 51)

"We're part of a big world. We have to play that part." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 60)

"Supposing there was justice for all, after all? For every unheeded beggar, every harsh word, every neglected duty, every slight ... every choice ... Because that was the  point, wasn't it? You had to choose. You might be right, you might be wrong, but you had to choose, knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you were deciding between two sorts of wrong, that there was no right anywhere. And always, always, you did it by yourself. You were the one there, on the edge, watching and listening. Never any tears, never any apology, never any regrets ... You saved all that up in a way that could be used when needed." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 73 - 74)

"To her, some things obviously had to be done, and that was that. Any thoughts that hung around she kept locked up tight, even from herself ... She'd done things and been places (sic), and found ways to turn anger outwards that had surprised even her. She'd faced down others far more powerful than she was, if only she'd hallowed them to believe it, but ... what had she ever earned? The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches they gave you a bigger shovel." - Carpe Jugulum (p 74)

" ... a bit like icebergs", said Nanny ...
"Nine tenths of it is under water?", said Agnes ...
"There's more to it than meets the eye, I mean." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 191)

"... People aren't ging to tell me what I ought to not do no more. I know what's ought and what's not ..." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 199)

"... you don't always have to do what the rest of the world want you to do." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 283)

"This was a test. Everything was a test ... Life put them in front of you every day. You watched yourself all the time. You had to make choices. You never got told which were right."	- Carpe Jugulum (pg 273)

"That's what true faith would mean, y'see? Sacrificin' your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin' the truth of it, workin' for it, breathin' the soul of it." - Carpe Jgulum (pg 394)

"Judging is human ... Bein' human means judgin' all the time ... This and that, good and bad, making choices every day ... that's human."
"And are you so sure you make the right decisions?"
"No, but I do the best I can." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 312)

"I ain't asking you to let me do anything." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 298)

"You wouldn't let ... a lady go off to confront monsters on a wild night like this, would you?"
They watched him owlishly for a while just in case something interesingly nasty was going to happen to him.
Then someone near the back said, "So why should we care what happens to monsters?" - Carpe Jugulum (pg 298)

"Cultural conditioning would be the death of us, if we're not careful." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 49)

"Give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe." - "Home" by Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors and Bebe Rexha. (Not really my kind of music but I like this line.)

"There's no greys, only white that's got grabby ... And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."
"It's a lot more complicated than that -"
"No. It ain't. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth. People as things, that's where it starts."
"Oh I'm sure there are worse crimes -"
"But they starts with thinking about people as things..."	- Carpe Jugulum (pg 314)

"You strong in your faith then?" ...
Oats sighed. "I try to be."
"But you read a lot of books, I'm thinking. Hard to have faith, ain't it, when you read too many books?" ...
"Yes", he said.
"Still got it, though?"
"If I didn't, I wouldn't have anything." - Carpe Jugulum (pg 314)

Hold on to your faith in a better world. It is possible.

We are fighting for it.


All of us. 

Until the very last person gives up, until the very last tree falls, there is hope.

All of us need to hold onto that. To not give in. 

To keep going when it is scary and hard and easier to quit. Have faith that your actions mean something.

That they are changing something. Have faith and hold on. Believe in yourself.

You are important and you're doing great. 

Keep going.

"Tell me, what is a useful life?"
"Not to be a piece of meat on the chopping board for others to cut.
No, let me put it this way: I want to take my fate in my own hands, and when I die, I want to end with the feeling of content and fulfillment. In other words, I don't want to feel that my life should have been use otherwise."
"You're silly if not a megalomaniac. Even Hamlet, a prince, cannot control his own fate. Whoever can?"
"You don't understand. I mean to make my own choices in life."
"You always have your choices."
"All right, let me just say I want to be a knife instead of a piece of meat."
"You're crazy, you want to hurt others?"
"No, I want to live an active life. You will understand what I mean someday." - The Crazed by Ha Hin (pg 277)

"You've got a heart full of pride, and they can never take away this pride from you. That feeling makes you full of strength, it makes you want to live and fight for what you are. You've got a flame in your heart that never dies. Stay brave." - On the back of Van Gogh postcard someone sent to me.

"... How often we hear people say that suffering can purify one's soul, ennoble one's heart, and strengthen one's moral fibrev... But ... too much suffering can only make us meaner, crazier, pettier and more wretched ... it was a little hope, happiness, and human warmth that made the seed of goodness sprout." - The crazes (pg 319)

Through everything, try to stay kind, to remain compassionate and considerate towards others.

Keep your heart soft.

We're all suffering from something, because of something or through something. From something in our heads, because of something in our past or through something right now.

We're comrades in our pain. It connects us. Hard times create stronger bonds than good times (usually, but not always).

Please, try not to assume you know that's going on in someone's head or assume to know how it is effecting them/ how they are dealing with it.

Pain is pain.

And it is different for everyone.

Not everyone finds the same things hard/ easy. I often find maths quite difficult. (I'm "creative minded" not "analytical minded") but does that mean I should be teased or put down for it? No. I love English language studies and I think I do well at it, but does that mean I have the right to tease or put down someone who struggles with it? No. I'd say I have a duty to help them. Because I can.

So if you see someone suffering please help them and be considerate even if you don't understand why they find the thing/ event/ whatever hard. That is how we do better.

Life is not a competition to be the best like we've been raised to believe, it's about supporting other people as best you can and trying not to leave anyone behind. We're in this together. Life should not be you versus someone else. It should be us creating and working towards a better future, one worth living in for all of us.

That is what I believe in and what I stand for. Not me. Us, all of us. Equality. A future for everyone. A community. Let's make it happen. 

Stay Brave. <3UP III

One thought on “Letter #40 from UPIII”

  1. Dear UPIII,
    I am writing again, now in your language. I just wrote in German before to a totally stranger reflecting on the situation in the courts, having in mind the injustice of the system. I had read the remarks somebody had written to you. Calling out for ending the injustice.

    Of course, I do agree. Only now I found your letters, I only read your last ones.

    Be proud of your honesty! I hope your parents are proud of you!

    I am old, could probably be your mother. So don´t feel patronised when I speak out. I remember similar bouts of almost total despair, feeling ill and overwhelmed not clearly knowing what it was. In my young days it didn´t feel right to address a therapist, and I personally was much too suspicious of someone taking over. Later I saw the word therapist written like that: the rapist…

    No, I don´t think the same now. But I still believe that the first one to take care of oneself is self. As we all have different needs and different pains – some people are definitely better than others in their empathy – we should never think: we know! We know something, but perhaps we don´t even see the most important bit. I like the story of a group of blind people learning what an elephant is. They are approaching the elefant, touching him, and afterwards each person describes: one speaks about the big flabby ear, the other one about the tail, somebody only touched the foot. They are all right, but if you are interested in his trunk teeth, all their knowledge doesn´t help you. But your interest is yours, and nobody can convince you that you´d better look at the ears.

    But what about the pains, the erring stories, feelings in our head, always mixed with some portion or better potion of self doubts, self disgust or denial. I liked your desciption of the bull´s horns, and a good friend had a great idea. It wasn´t just an idea, a trick. You described in soft ways how it felt to be considered, to be heard, to be respected and you felt accepted, loved. You felt to be worth, you saw that somebody liked to be around you, and that joy gave you the permission to rest and join the joy.

    In my German remarks/letter – at the end I had some idea in such a direction. I wished you could find some place and space in togetherness. I am so glad that you know it exists.

    It is so hard to know what is happening at Hambi. I am not part of your group, but I am totally upset, can´t find peace, can´t bear the videos, and I am angry that I can´t stop that fraud. Abuse of power, corruption, abuse of the possibilites of law and order…

    We know it all. And I know on the other hand, that the legal battles and the fight against these abusive acts is important. And we do our share, in different places with different outreach. But we all need some rest from that sometimes, in order to be able to sleep and to develop a bit of joy.

    I have the impression that at Hambi you were quite good at such a mixture: I enjoyed to see the togetherness in some of the structures, having breakfirst while the lorries and tanks already approached the trees. Of course there is also always fear….

    They and you are right: feel the togetherness and enjoy it. And always try to be inclusive. Don´t think of any living thing of a thing. Or why not the other way round. Look at the things (alive or still) discover their oneness, their beauty and uniqueness. treat everything with curiosity and discover its inner self and wisdom.

    We are not very good at that most times, because we feel too much of our pains. But I know that the calm becoming of the other side – be whatever the other side might be – is a process of growth and gives us the enjoyment of feeling alive. And coming back to oneself – which was a bit in the background for a moment – there might be a flicker of astonishment, of love, a smile of recognition. Be familiar with yourself, a hug , acceptance, no need to change but just not taking everything too seriously. Even pains have different sides…

    You have a lot of time to think and feel because you can´t go out and do much these days.

    Therefore I dared to describe some of my thoughts. Perhaps you can feel some attraction to similar ideas of yours. And that would be great: imagine somewhere out there there is a German woman, much older than you, we never met, but we are both alive, try to support each other and speak to each other with respect and love.

    Isn´t that just human?
    Dear UPIII – some people might think: its crazy to be so „open“. Yeah, let´s be crazy, whatever. – I don´t need any judgement, I dont care about such things any more…

    I leave you now. Feel the connectedness and love and I would like to urge any and all of your prosecutors to stop that silly and wrong process.

    If you feel like it I would come to visit you. But you´d better connect to the people whom you shared much more with. All the best

Comments are closed.