Recieved 8th August 2018
JVA Köln, Friday 27th July 2018
Hey there dear comrades and friends, how are you? This is my first letter since the trial, and I’m not really sure what to write. Denying my identity for the last few months has been easy, I just had to say nothing and go along with each day as it comes. Then to go in front of a judge and be asked if I will go back to prison for a very deliberate denial of identity and looking directly at them, nodding and saying “yes”, that’s different. That didn’t feel like an “ehh”, that felt like I may as well have said “fuck you”. And it felt powerful. It felt good. What do we say to the state? “Not today”. There is a new level of respect for me here, I’m not “just an activist” now, I’m a “cool/hardcore activist”. So strange. I’m honestly super lame, really, I just sit in the shoebox here and read Harry Potter (again), Terry Pratchett (Thank you German teacher!! There’s not many English books here…) and then the copy mailed to me of “The secret life of trees.” And sleep. Wow, sooo “hardcore”. I want to talk about the “security measure” taken to transport me to court but I don’t know if this letter will get through if I do. I’ll just say though that it felt like I was some high profile terrorist, it was insane. Excessive. Seriously, what am I going to do? Run? Not with my legs chained together surrounded by guards. For fucks sake. What the fuck. Anyway, it’s Friday today, which I’m thankful for, because it is the start of the weekend (three more days until the next trial) and it’s a “quieter” day. No classes or groups. I’ve barely slept the last few days and I’m exhausted. I think I’ll try and sleep today, sneak in a nap between breakfast and lunch, or lunch and Freistunde. I won’t go to Umschluss, which is not unusual, I rarely ever go. No one really understands (I do have friends, so I could, but I choose not to) but hey, whatever. I like being alone. It’s almost a perk of being here sometimes, I can just chill and do whatever I want and not feel guilty or stupid because it’s just me who sees it. Plus, I’m not really wasting my time am I? It’s not like I can do all that much anyway, and it looks like I may have more time than I know what to do with if the judge “does not appreciate” my “attitude” next trial. Ahh. Shit. I can’t help thinking about the judge’s language, the “golden bridge to freedom, into the waiting arms of my friends”. The massive anger when I refused, the yell of “why?!” Why? For solidarity with everyone in that court room, outside, worldwide. My love for you is stronger than all of this, my belief in you, all of you. This is not bravery, or courage, this is my inexhaustible passion and energy for a better world which we’re all fighting for. I always have time, love, energy and hands to help if you ever need or want it too. You’re all such wonderful, beautiful, strong people and I’m not giving up on you. I’ll try not to write too much more because I want to send this today and I only have an hour left before breakfast. Oh! Thank you so much to everyone who came to the trial on Tuesday, it was great to see all of you and sneak in a few smiles, laughs and “what the fuck”’s. The whole case is ridiculous, I mean really? Hours of “I don’t know” and I don’t remember”. So much for “professional witnesses”. I’ve sat here now one hundred and thirty days to hear “I don’t know it they did anything”. Shout out to my lawyer for roasting the shit out of them. Good. Ugh. “Justice”, what a joke. Getting ready for a repeat, but hopefully this time I can go home with all of you and not back to a shitty little cell. It’s almost nine am now, so I need to finish this before the trolley comes. I had to try and find my “Geschäftsnummer” again which took a while (I’m not unpacking my bags to only have to repack on Monday), or I can’t send this. I really hate having to try and remember a bunch of numbers just to be able to send letters or request things. My request number, 1192/18/2, my Aktenzeichen, 1Js 828/18, a bunch of others with no relevance to anything, and then UPIII. If I ever have to write an “Antrag” after here, I’m going to be mad. Oh yeah and the “StPO” numbers, which tell me what I can and can’t do. “Do you have this number?” Fuck knows mate, I’ve got what feels like about a hundred court letters, I’m not reading them all (can’t anyway, they’re in German and I’m “allowed” to do something and I can tell you, I’ve only been reminded constantly since I got here. Sorry for all the swearing in this letter but seriously UGH this is all such BULLSHIT. Okay okay I’m going to finish this letter for real now though. I love you all, I miss you terribly and I can’t wait to see (some) of you on Tuesday to listen to another several hours of nothing. Yay. All my love, passion, energy, strength, solidarity, courage and whatever else you need. STAY BRAVE <3 UPIII Keep fighting. I believe in you.